If You've Ever Worked for a Really BIG Company...

In the beginning, there was nothing. And from the great void the Plan was brought forth and into the light. Then came the Assumptions, but they had not form nor content, for the Plan was bereft of substance. So it came to pass that the employees gazed upon the Plan. And a great darkness fell upon their faces as they spake amongst themselves, saying, "It is a crock of shit, and it won't work. It stinks!" And, lo, the employees pleaded in supplication unto the supervisors.

And behold, the supervisors went before their managers, extolling unto them and declaring, "It is a pail of dung such that none can suffer the odor cast forth".
Henceforth, the managers sought audience with the Division VP's, and did herald unto them "It is a large container of excrement, and it is very strong, such that none may dwell in it's propinquity!"

And the Division VP's, after much convocation, appeared before the Most Holy Senior VP's, portending "It is a great vessel of fertilizer, and no one can abide it's strength!". So the Senior VP's did congress before the High Priest President, pronouncing "the Plan doeth embody that which allays plant growth and is very piquant."
Upon which, the High Priest President did congregate with the Board of the Temple. And he rejoiced unto them, "It abets growth, and has abundant puissance." Thus, the Board sanctified the Plan and didst decree it to be so written.

And so, it is written, the Earth did quake, and the curtains in the great boardroom were rent in half, as were all the stock options held by the Pharaohs. And all the 401(K)'s held in the land became as fishwrap. Thus, the employee's were enjoined with the people in disgust, shouting, "Crucify them, Crucify them".

Lo, the hedge fund managers of the temple did became fearful. For they knew not from whence the plan did arise, believing in false gods as the Pagans. Henceforth, the Heathens did challenge the Pagans to a battle in the ancient forum before Caesar the Wheezer. Whereupon hearing of such a battle, Caesar did wager the Pope forty thousand pieces of silver and his most prized donkey, offering unto him a spread of more than 12 men. But the Heathens failed to go forth into the postseason, and Caesar lost his ass.

And it came to pass, like oats through the oxen, that they did maunder about the judicial Desert of Appeals for 40 years. Even so, the legal numismatics hoarded all the gold, silver, and Credit Default Swaps amongst themselves, mocking the people and boasting, "It may well be a crock of shit, but I love it". This is how shit happens and smart lawyers make money off it.
Verily I say unto thee, even though my cup runneth over as the diaper of a newborn, yea, I shall not wallow in the pity of the city. For though I walk in the valley of the shadow of bankruptcy, I will fear not the plan.

And behold, there was a Most Holy One, begat in the sacred oasis of Dementia Congressimas, or DC, and they called unto him The Bailout, which means Chomea DaCash, the Prophet of Profits. And he consecrated the land, and seeing that is was fertile, blessed the tax collectors and money-changers of the temple, anointing them with tar and feathers.

And the people did gaze upon the Bailout, and as a darkness fell across their faces, as they spake amongst themselves, saying, "Well, here we go again. Another crock of shit".